Collage by the author; images by Eric Lafforgue (Flickr) & Copts of Sudan (Facebook)
I really am.
I’m sorry that they taught us how to hate ourselves and others, but we don’t seem to learn the lesson.
I’m sorry that the history of this land is no longer as interesting as the trendy Nubian fantasia sweeping us off our feet and sweeping historical facts on its way too.
I’m sorry that what used to be a mere denial of a 900 year old ethnic and cultural component of Sudan has turned into complete historical revisionism and hilarious hallucinations.
I’m sorry that you think disowning a part of the land’s DNA is the renaissance of the other.
Historical fallacies everywhere.
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I’m sorry that we’re too lazy to hold a book and rectify our fairy tales.
I’m sorry that some of us think our parents and grandparents were forced to speak Arabic at home, even though no records of such incident ever existed.
I’m sorry to tell you that, a generation ago, my Nubian Halfawi father spoke Arabic; my Halfawi ratanna grandparents taught him that Arabic.
I’m sorry to tell you that neither my Halfawi grandma nor her great, great, great great×10 grandma ever read Hieroglyphic. Maybe because Nubian was never written in Hieroglyphic, my dear Nubian prince and princess?1
I’m sorry to tell you that my dad’s love letters to my mom in the 70s are in kick-ass Arabic. I’m sorry to tell you that my grandfather’s marriage certificate from the 50s is in Arabic. Our property documents from the 30s? Yup, in Arabic.
I’m sorry to tell you that alif, ba2, ta2 entered Nubia peacefully through pacts and trade in the 12th century 2 and it became the lingua franca of several diverse tribes that once had no common language between them.
I’m sorry to tell you that our land never had a crazy foreign Arab Caliph that went around cutting the tongues of those who spoke anything but Arabic; in fact, Nubia’s first ethnic Arab ruler made it to the throne through intermarriage and political alliances 3.
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I’m sorry that some of us failed biology.
“Oh, your skin is black? Ma titlasag yakh, you can’t be Arab!!”
“Oh, you’re halabiya?! Stop claiming that you’re African ya waham!!”
News flash: Biology doesn’t work this way. I’m sorry that genetics are a tat more complicated than what your bare eyes allow you to see. I’m sorry that you might have more of those dirty Arab genes in you than the average Moroccan.
I’m sorry we let others define us as they wish.We allow the Lebanese to question our Arabness and the Nigerian to question our Africanness…
I’m sorry that we can no longer fight skin lightening and hair straightening without pinning it on “Arab imperialism”. Really? I bet South Indians blame it on the darn Arabs of North India too.
I’m so sorry that we’re repeating the mistakes of the previous generations and their sick racial divide, but this time targeting another group and with a bit of 21st century sass.
A utopian “Diverse Sudan”, you preach? Sorry, I can’t quite wrap my head around that thought while I’m being asked to cleanse Sudan of anything Arab at the very same time. Oxymoron?
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I’m sorry that we can no longer criticize the criminals ruling from Khartoum without bashing anything and everything Arab. Filthy Arabs. I’m sorry that we don’t see anything wrong with that.
You hate your flag? It doesn’t represent you? You think it’s “too Arab”. I’m so sorry you don’t know that previous Sudanese states used these colors centuries before Arabs did, and they have more to do with our land’s history than the tricolor banner.
But who cares about facts, right?—
You’re Nubian? Maskagna irkin burru? Nice to meet you, I’m Nubian too, but guess who is not?
The Zaghawa, the Beja, the Masalit, the Rashiadya, the Copts, not even the Kunuz are Nubian!5 A jaw-dropper, right? Oh well, I’m sorry that our Nubianess is not as inclusive as our fairytales wished it to be.
I’m sorry we’re not homogeneous Somalis or Tigrinya with unified identifiable features. Sudan is black, Sudan is brown, Sudan is white. Sudan is African, Sudan is Arab. Sudan is Muslim Sudan is Christian, Sudan is Animist, Sudan was Jewish just until we drove them out like how we’ll drive the rest of us out if we continue to deny and divide.
In 30 years from now, you’ll be telling your grandsons about your pure Taharqan blood, following the great steps of habbobatna alhilwin who died believing they’re the granddaughters of the Prophet…Now for that, I’m really really sorry.
References:
1- “The Basic Languages of Christian Nubia: Greek, Coptic, Old Nubian, and Arabic” http://www.ancientsudan.org/writing_03_old_nubian_&_arabic.htm
2- The journal of the Royal Anthropological Institute of Great Britain and Ireland” pg. 16 https://archive.org/details/journalofroyalan17royauoft
3- “A History of the Sudan: From the Coming of Islam to the Present Day” by P. M. Holt, M. W. Daly, pg. 18 https://books.google.ae/books?id=BXB_BAAAQBAJ&pg=PA17&lpg=PA17&dq=banu+kanz+rule&source=bl&ots=saU7aJaj81&sig=ouA7ICH4fNaGBOQS6TxUwwCNIhA&hl=en&sa=X&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=banu%20kanz%20rule&f=false
4- “Y-Chromosome Variation Among Sudanese: Restricted Gene Flow, Concordance With Language, Geography, and History” pg. 3,6,7 http://www.researchgate.net/publication/5233268_Y-Chromosome_Variation_Among_Sudanese_Restricted_Gene_Flow_Concordance_With_Language_Geography_and_History
5- “A History of the Sudan: From the Coming of Islam to the Present Day” by P. M. Holt, M. W. Daly, pg. 17 https://books.google.ae/books?id=BXB_BAAAQBAJ&pg=PA17&lpg=PA17&dq=banu+kanz+rule&source=bl&ots=saU7aJaj81&sig=ouA7ICH4fNaGBOQS6TxUwwCNIhA&hl=en&sa=X&redir_e
